Advice

3 Tips to Guarantee You Will Overcome Adversity

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According to Thomas Paine in The American Crisis, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” Written almost 300 hundred years ago, the American philosopher words remain fresh and relevant to our age as they did back in the time of the American Revolution. Facing deluges of stress, busyness, and changes in the workplace, I experienced difficulty in tough times. Last week the stress drowned me and I let anxiety overwhelm me. Probably the best thing I did for myself [and my family] was to receive the Sacrament of Confession. Here I obtained the graces for a clean start, a theological re-booting of my system, and aid to face the adversity this week. Along with Divine assistance, I also had a counseling appointment where I received additional help to stay even-keeled as I boarded the “ship of life” and sailed out against the sea of stress. Below I discovered [actually re-discovered] three practical tips that guarantee you will overcome adversity.

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  1. Seek Help: As a perfectionist I often struggle to admit I need help. My drive to succeed and do the right thing is both a blessing and a curse. In the storm of adversity, sometimes I am not able to keep afloat by myself. Jesus Christ said, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you (Matthew  7:7). To ask for help means to submit yourself to the possibility that you may not have all the answers. Being uncertain about something or not a sign of weakness. Rather, seeking help demonstrates a powerful humility–a mighty weapon to wield in the face of adversity.

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2. Own Up to Failures:  Similar to the first point of asking for help and demonstrating humility, acknowledgment of my limitations provided another bulwark against adversity. According to Mahatma Gandhi, “It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one’s acts.” His words carried real weight for me this week. Working for the banking industry involves balancing regulatory compliance with superb customer service to our clients in order to treat them with dignity and respect. To be honest, I feel like an actuarial acrobat most of the week. A situation arose where I placed more priority on company risk prevention then serving a customer impacted by Hurricane Irma. I felt guilty–even though I really did nothing morally culpable nor illegal. Still, I realized I could have provided our client a better experience. So, I took initiative to actively solve the issue by simply calling him back to inform him of the complete breakdown of disaster assistance our company provides. Almost immediately, I gained a strength to persevere with mettle despite encountering other stressful situations that day.

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  1. Learn, learn, learn: Albert Einstein once said, “A true genius admits that he/she knows nothing.”  Despite, being a professional physicist, the German genius gave us profound philosophical wisdom in this quote. Throughout my life I encountered people I consider to be “learner yearners”. In other words, people who commit themselves to life-long learning and study. The common thread among “learner yearners” is that they seem to deal with adversity in a calm and controlled manner. Adversity will always pester us and follow us in our earthly existence. The key is donning an educational attitude and seek opportunities to learn. Learning leads to perspective. Perspective leads to patience. Patience is the virtue that allows us to disable adversity’s assault.

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The great English prime minister Winston Churchill stated, “The price of greatness is responsibility.” More colloquially put, “With great power comes great responsibility,” attributed by Ben Parker [uncle of Peter Parker/Spiderman]. Facing turmoil and adversity head-on seems brings a sense of joy and peace. This seems counter-intuitive, but from my personal experiences so far that has been the case. A habit of seeking help, taking ownership of my failings, and continual learning leads to overcoming of adversity!

***”It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one’s acts.”***

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Daily Donnybrook- The Day I Finally KO’d My Former Self

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Depression and anxiety are invisible disorders that fail to show physical signs to the untrained eye. I may seem like a normal young adult in American. I may appear to have my life together: I am married, have three adorable children, own a house, and have a job with benefits. Outwardly, I seem to be fine and dandy all the time.

In reality, I have been fighting a battle my entire life. My foe knows me at the most intimate level—knows my deepest fear, greatest strengths, and what makes me tick. The greatest challenger I ever faced in life is me! This summer I embarked on a journey to acquire tools, strategies, and weapons to combat “my former self”. Earlier this week, I finally broke through the darkness of negativity, anxiety, and depression. I metaphorically knocked out my opponent in a cage match of cranial proportions! Let me share with you how I achieved that.

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1. Professional Help: Recently, I started seeing a professional counsel to help me manage my anxiety and to provide tips to overcome stressful situations. Frankly, my pride staved off appointments as long as possible. I have maintained consistency with scheduling and keeping monthly appointment for a few months now. I can definitely tell the tide is shifting toward favoring “my new self”. I faced a situation at work this week that normally would stress me out. I would tend to obsess over things outside of my control. I faced a situation where I finally consciously  worked to deescalate and did it in an effective, calm, and timely fashion without having any feeling of guilt or anxiety! Professional help from both my counselor and medical doctor– who prescribed me an anxiety medicine that works for me—provided me strength to succeed against my past self.

I used to think that asking for help showed weakness—and that it was a bad thing. My new way of thinking is asking for help still shows weakness—but weakness and vulnerability is not necessarily negative. It is healthy to rely on others.

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2. Unexpected Friendships: Fellowship is strength. According to St. Thomas Aquinas, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” I do not believe it is a coincidence that I was sent two blessings of possible friendships within the past week at work.

A team member at my site stopped my desk and started up a jovial conservation about Green Bay Packer football and the joys [and anguishes] of playing the classic Nintendo 64 game NFL Blitz 2001. No prompting on my end, this meeting was seemingly random, but it was good—we talked for over 20 minutes!

The second example of an unexpected friendship arrived from a different route. I received an unexpected compliment [ please see my post How an Unexpected Compliment Revitalized My Week for more information] from a co-worker at a different work site. This week we have interacted through email and worked on a couple escalated accounts. During the stress of the week, I have been able to look to this team member for positive feedback and support.

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3. Music: Along with professional help and burgeoning work friendships, I have made it a point to increase the amount of Christian music I listen to on the radio during my drives to and from work. A particular inspiring song started playing as I arrived into the employee parking lot this morning. Instead of quickly turning off the car and rushing to work, I stayed to finish the ending of the song. The melody and words calmed my nervous nature down. I am able to reflect on some of the song lyrics throughout the day in my mind when I face a tough situation.

When I come home, I have been incorporating music in the early evening pre-bedtime routine. The benefits are two-fold: we limit television time for our children and music calms my youngest son down and mitigates the severity of his tantrums—they have been getting concerning lately both in frequency and length. Matt Maher, a Catholic singer and song writer, probably gives me the best songs to listen to overcome my anxiety. I strongly encourage you to play his music—I find it incredibly soothing and positive.

I am champion this week’s battle against my “former self”. Here is the thing about depression and anxiety, this battle is ongoing and constant. Tomorrow presents a new opportunity for me to KO my “former self”. Professional help, fellowship of friends, and positive music created the perfect game-plan to defeat my former way of thinking. If you are struggling with depression and anxiety, try these tactics. Sometimes it may work. For some people these strategies may not work. The key is learning to find people and tools to help you on your our “Daily Donnybrook against your former self”. I will leave you to reflect on the lyrics of an exceptionally positive song by Madisa—Overcomer:

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Staring at a stop sign Watching people drive by T mac on the radio Got so much on your mind Nothing’s really going right Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through I know he’s not gonna let it get the best of you

You’re an overcomer Stay in the fight ’til the final round You’re not going under ‘Cause God is holding you right now You might be down for a moment Feeling like it’s hopeless That’s when he reminds you That you’re an overcomer You’re an overcomer

Everybody’s been down Hit the bottom, hit the ground

Ooh, You’re not alone Just take a breath, don’t forget Hang on to his promises He wants you to know

You’re an overcomer Stay in the fight ’til the final round You’re not going under ‘Cause God is holding you right now You might be down for a moment Feeling like it’s hopeless That’s when he reminds you That you’re an overcomer You’re an overcomer

The same man, the great I am The one who overcame death Is living inside of you So just hold tight, fix your eyes On the one who holds your life There’s nothing he can’t do He’s telling you

You’re an overcomer Stay in the fight ’til the final round You’re not going under ‘Cause God is holding you right now You might be down for a moment Feeling like it’s hopeless That’s when he reminds you That you’re an overcomer You’re an overcomer

You’re an overcomer You’re an overcomer

See don’t quit, don’t give in You’re an overcomer

Don’t quit, don’t give in You’re an overcomer

Don’t quit, don’t give in You’re an overcomer

You’re an overcomer